Today, I had a half hour phone call with Dave Andrews of the 30 Day Sobriety Solution program that I’ve been following. Going into the call, I was rather “meh” about whether it would be helpful or useful, especially since I didn’t really have any questions or other things prepared to ask.
However, I’m very glad I took the time to speak with Dave! He was very skilled at asking questions and homing-in on some of my thoughts and patterns which have lead to where I’m at in life right now, and why I’ve been drinking rather than living. At one point in the conversation, I even got a bit choked-up because he was describing some hang-ups that I thought were unique to my situation and he also uncovered some of the lies and belittling I tend to do with myself. The truth hurts, I guess.
I need to work on my gratitude skills and giving myself credit for what I have accomplished in life. Until this phone call, I’ve been pretty disappointed with my career, since I put large chunks of my personal life on hold (i.e. a girlfriend) in the name of “my career”. However, I have not ended-up anywhere near where I thought I’d be (although I don’t know where that is…) Dave pointed-out that I’ve actually accomplished a ton career-wise that many people will never achieve, such as becoming a high-level engineer and maintaining decent jobs even through the recent economic downturn.
Also, I have lost pretty much any passion for doing much of anything. After so many years of just coming home and drinking, thus giving myself the excuse that “I can’t go-out driving since I’ve been drinking…”, I’ve lost 90% of my interests/hobbies. At this point, I don’t even really know what fires me up any more. Some of this has to do with my longer-term goal to move to another state, so I don’t want to accumulate “more stuff” which I’d then need to move/sell/trash/downsize when that day comes, but in all honesty, I’ve been super lazy and not passionate about anything for years. That needs to change.
So, my to-do for our next phone call is to try to scrape-up some activities I might be interested in doing outside of the house. I already spend enough time on my computer hobbies, so Dave wants me to think of something outside the house, and ideally, something where there may even be a chance to meet a date or make some friends.
That part of my personality is covered in cobwebs and even after our great phone call, I’m still having trouble kindling the flame of passion to do the research into these activities, but like a good, career-oriented person that I am, I’ll get it done in time for the next call. 😉